Ep 36: Stop Living on Autopilot with Antonio Neves
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Stop Living on Autopilot
Episode 36: Show Notes.
Here is another story behind that of a change-maker who was hungry, creative, and innovative in his younger years. One day realizing that he was living on autopilot as he was nearing his late 30s, early 40s. It all came to a head when he found himself hiding in alleyways in Santa Monica, California, smoking cigarettes while wearing a green gardening glove so that his wife wouldn’t find out.
His name is Antonio Neves, writer, prolific speaker, and executive coach. While Antonio’s story isn’t tragic or overly-dramatic, it is a relatable one for many of us, especially those of us in our 30s, 40s, and 50s, who have everything together on paper but, under the surface, we’re falling apart.
This was Antonio’s experience leading to him writing the book, Stop Living on Autopilot: Take Responsibility for Your Life and Rediscover a Bolder, Happier You, which is exactly what he eventually decided to do. He didn’t employ a hack or some overnight miracle fix; he implemented several tools, including asking better, more honest questions, asking himself how he was showing up in his marriage, his career, and his relationship with his kids. With that, he started repairing a lot of the other broken areas of his life, such as his diet and his relationship with alcohol, his exercise routine, his lack of commitment, his contribution to society, and so much more.
In this episode, you’ll hear from Antonio about some of the experiences he had and the important lessons he has learned along the way. What stands out about this conversation is how applicable it is to each and every one of us, starting right now! Even if there are only one or two takeaways from this interview that resonate with you, they will be ideas that you can implement immediately.
Make sure to tune in today to find out more about the thieves of ambition versus the allies of glory and the importance of accountability, recommitting every day, and doing the work when no one is watching.
Key Points From This Episode:
Find out why Antonio’s favorite activity as a child was anything to do with sports.
Antonio reflects on the confidence and structure that he got from doing sport.
Hear about Antonio’s upbringing and family dynamic, which he describes as often unstable.
Dealing with physical and emotional abandonment as a teenager and being an introvert.
If Antonio’s upbringing taught him anything, it was awareness and resourcefulness.
One of the philosophies that he learned from his father: “You always take care of family."
Antonio explains how he avoided getting into fights using words and humor.
How Antonio came to learn about race and his family’s uniquely mixed heritage.
Getting into university, becoming part of the track team, and realizing he was never going to compete at the olympics.
A conversation that Antonio had with his coach and what it taught him about hard work.
The importance of spending time with your allies of glory, not the thieves of ambition.
How an internship with Kraft Foods opened Antonio to possibility and gave him confidence.
What a sales job with at Winn-Dixie taught Antonio about effective communication.
Taking a risk, quitting his sales job, and moving to LA to pursue his dreams of being on TV.
Hear about his journey from acting in commercials to landing a gig on Nickelodeon.
When Antonio’s contract wasn’t renewed, he was heartbroken: his identity was tied into being seen on TV every day.
Antonio had a decision to make: Stay on the grind in LA or graduate school in New York.
The time in Antonio’s life when it seemed he had it all together on paper, but he had started playing not to lose instead of playing to win.
Antonio’s autopilot phase, numbing his fear and self-doubt with wine, Netflix, and cigarettes.
How redefining success for himself started with holding himself accountable.
Finding inspiration and encouragement in the success of his friends and colleagues.
Learn the difference between committing and recommitting; recommitting is a daily journey.
The process of having a book published and the challenges Antonio faced along the way.
Antonio’s current definition of success is about going to bed knowing he showed up for the things he committed to in family, work, or health.
Why life is the average Tuesday; how you show up on that day determines how people perceive you, not on the exceptional days.
What Antonio would tell his 19-year-old self: your success and happiness hurts no one.
Tweetables:
“Sometimes spending time with these types of folks, these allies [of glory], it can be challenging primarily because they are going to hold you accountable. They are going to push you, they are going to make you uncomfortable.” — @TheAntonioNeves [0:27:04]
“I didn’t know it at the time, but what that job on TV was giving me was validation..” — @TheAntonioNeves [0:40:06]
“You googled my name, I was doing well in life. I had succeeded, but ‘on paper’ doesn’t tell the whole story and I have to remind people that Google never tells the whole story. Due to a lot of stress, anxiety, deep dissatisfaction, I had become a secret cigarette smoker.” — @TheAntonioNeves [0:49:50]
“A word a lot of people don’t like to talk about, but if there is anything I’m consistent about with my work, is the word accountability.” — @TheAntonioNeves [0:57:05]
“Every single day, we have to recommit to what is most important. It’s easy to commit, but you have to recommit every single day, and that’s the journey I’ve been on.” — @TheAntonioNeves [1:00:03]
“It’s doing the unsexy. It’s doing the unglamorous. It’s being willing to do the work when no one is watching.” — @TheAntonioNeves [1:07:27]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode: